Boys – read on if you like but be warned there may be too much information.
A friend and I recently had one of those make-a-wish moments. You know…….the childhood thing when two people say exactly the same thing at exactly the same time, laugh in surprise, then link little fingers and make a wish.
In our case, the meeting of minds was triggered by a need to pee. To be precise, it was a squat pee in the Australian bush with mountain bike weary legs on a wet slippery forest floor. It’s always a bit tricky. Bum too high; pee on pants. Bum too low; pick up a little nipper or sucker lurking below.
While performing our balancing act and generally scanning the vicinity for anything with fangs, my friend pointed out a bloke leaning one handed on a tree watering the roots with ease and comfort. Following a long unified sigh we said: “I wish I were a man.”
As we chatterboxed on, I admitted it wasn’t the first time I’d had the man- pee wish.
For instance, the time when camping in the Andes on the Inca trail, I opened the door of a squat toilet to find the floor was covered in so many misdirected middle-of-the-night poo plops, I needed the dexterity of a circus performer to position myself over the pee hole.
And in the Amazon where squatting on the decaying jungle floor was like hanging out the golden arches of Mcdonald’s – a glowing signpost for everything that bit, nipped and chewed advertising that prime rump was on the menu. Just like a surprise giveaway, everything rushed in to get a chomp whether they needed it or not.
Image from Raindrop’s World by Carl Pettit
In fact, throughout the day as we shared more stories and “me too” moments, we realised that over the years, we had both stupidly developed a skill of drinking just enough water so we didn’t have to pee more than necessary, dicing dangerously with dehydration and our health.
We parted with a pact to find a solution. In the days that followed we found not one solution, but three.
The answer to our want-to-pee-like-a-man dream is a small funnel shaped piece of plastic called a female urination device (FUD) that allows women to urinate standing up and without removing clothes.
If you want to know which one of the three brands we thought was the best, you can read the full comparative review I wrote in Adventure Travel Magazine. But be warned boys; there’s even more detail.